But I'm Kazekage
by CaityAndNaeHeartCookies
Summary: ...but I'm your brother....." "...but I'm Kazekage....." "LISTEN HERE PUNK I AM YOUR BROTHER!" ".....but I'm Kazekage...." "...I'll pack my bags..." Gaara discovers the answer to everything...ONESHOT


**Caity: Another totally awesome, totally random idea thought up while we playing the Naruto game, I was playing Gaara and Nae was Kankuro? Eh can't remember. Anyways, I started ranting about how I was Kazekage and all should bow before me and so this idea came into our messed up heads....Does anyone actually read my rants at the beginning of my stories? I know I skip them on other peoples stories...anyway here we go! YAY!**

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Temari sighed as she scrubbed at a pan in the kitchen, curse Gaara. Why in the hell of it did he want pasta, did he know how hard it was to scrub off?? Of course not...cos' he was Kazekage..Temari glared at the pan that was feigning innocent and pretending that it had done no wrong.

"Oi Kankuro! Come here!"

"Yeah..." Kankuro said slowly as he popped up beside her.

"Don't do that!" She shrieked as she bopped him on the head "Anyway don't you think that Gaara's whole.."Oh look at me I'm Kazekage" act is getting a bit old?"

"Hell yes! Why just the other day..."

_Flashback_

_"Gaara! Get up!"_

_"I am up!"_

_"Well get your ass down here!"_

_"But then I would have to touch the ground..."_

_"Gaara you have a sand demon in you and yet you can't touch the ground?"_

_"No...it's all dirty...and would everyone say if me, the totally awesome Kazekage, stooped so low as to touch the ground, the media would have a field day!"_

_"Gaara....just come down here..."_

_"No! I want one of those litters you know the ones that those Arabian princes have and you can carry me around in it!"_

_"Freak say what?!"_

_"You know what! Your fired I want a new brother! Put an add in the Sand Times!"  
_

_"You can't fire me!!"_

_"..but I'm Kazekage...."_

_"...but I'm your brother....."_

_"...but I'm Kazekage....."_

_"LISTEN HERE PUNK I AM YOUR BROTHER!!!!"_

_".....but I'm Kazekage...."_

_"...I'll pack my bags..."_

_End of flashback_

"He did not!"

"He did so!"

"Well that's not as bad as what he did to me yesterday..."

_Flashback_

_"Oi Gaara! Take out the trash!" Temari called as she attempted to pull the evil vacuum cleaner out of the cupboard._

_"No.." Came her emotionless reply._

_"Now! Gaara!" _

_".....but I'm Kazekage...."_

_"Gaara.." Temari said in her warning-you-have-five-seconds-to-obey-before-I-open-a-can-of-kick-ass-on-you voice._

_"Fine..."_

_Temari was overjoyed, she had managed to make the evil, demonic problem child listen! She grabbed the garbage bag in one hand and prepared to give it to him. Instead she found herself floating outside on a platform of sand, the sand dropped her inside the bin that was sitting on the curb. Then slowly receded back inside closing the door behind it._

_"There..."_

_"GAARA THOMAS FRANKLIN-"_

_An hour later.._

_"-BENJAMIN CLEETUS ROBERT-"_

_Another hour later_

_"-FRANK DUMBLEDORE JAMES PHILLIP WHATEVER-OUR-LAST-NAME-IS!! I SHALL KILL YOU! THEN I SHALL CLONE YOU DEAD BODY AND THEN KILL ALL YOUR CLONES AND THEN I SHALL CLONE YOUR CLONES AND THEN I WILL KILL YOUR CLONES CLONES AND-" Temari's ranting was cut of by the garbage man doing his daily rounds._

_The next morning_

_Temari barged through the door and glared at Gaara who was watching Teletubbies on the TV._

_"Phew Temari you stink! And where have you been! Make me breakfast! Today I would like ribs...." Gaara demanded as he pinched his nose to keep the rotten smell out._

_Temari growled in frustration, pulling madly at her hair she strode into her room and locked the door. _

_Gaara sat stunned on the couch staring at her now closed door, he could hear the sounds of things being thrown at the walls and loud cursing and he was pretty sure that he had heard Gaara and little asshole in there somewhere...._

_'Must be that time of the month..' he thought as he flicked the channel over. _

_"It's that Kazekage show!!" The TV sang. "Starring the one and only Gaara!! The totally awesome Kazekage!!" _

_Gaara grinned. There was only one show that he liked more than the Teletubbies and that was 'That Kazekage show'. He snuggled further into the couch, Temari had absolutely no idea what she was missing.._

_Meanwhile in Temari's room_

_"Ungrateful..selfish....brat...i hate him....argh!!....evil....little asshole!....demon child...RAWR!!"_

_"Hey Temari can you keep it down in there? I'm trying to watch 'That Kazekage show'.." _

_"ARGH!!!!!!!!"_

_End of flashback_

"You win" Kankuro declared as he patted Temari's shoulder in a comforting gesture "But I have a good one that you just have to hear, the other day Gaara and I were in maths class and the day before we had a test right. So we were receiving our results.."

_Flashback_

_"Here you go Gaara...100% as always!" The teacher beamed as she handed Gaara the piece of paper._

_"Kankuro...you could do better....I am very disappointed...99%" The teacher said as she handed Kankuro his test and frowned disapprovingly at him._

_"Psst Gaara can I see your test?"_

_"Sure Kankuro here ya go.." Gaara said flatly as he shoved his paper in Kankuro's direction._

_Kankuro couldn't believe his eyes, the answer to every question was "But I'm Kazekage"._

_"Gaara, you didn't answer a single question..."_

_"Yes I did."_

_"But you didn't give a real answer.."_

_"Fine then..Miss, how much would I have gotten on this test if I wasn't Kazekage?"_

_The teacher shifted uncomfortably under Gaara's evil gaze._

_"Weeeeell, Gaara, you would have gotten a zero..."_

_"..but I'm Kazekage.."_

_"I know...but you didn't answer any of the questions, you just wrote "But I'm the Kazekage" for every question. You even wrote it in under the section for your name."_

_"...........Sand coffin!"_

_Let's just say that that teacher was never heard of again, except for early the next morning when some kid, Billy I believe his name was, found a finger in his desk..._

_End of flashback_

"Wow.."

"Yeah I know.."

"Wait a minute! That means Gaara broke our no killing anyone agreement! No more custard pie for him!!" Temari declared as she nodded her head.

"Yeah...I'm sure he'll be heartbroken..." Kankuro said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.

"Damn straight he will!"

"TEMARI!! KANKURO!! BRING MY LITTER I WISH TO BE TRANSPORTED TO THE BATHROOM!!" Gaara called from his bed room.

Temari and Kankuro exchanged glances.

"That boy has to go..."

"Tell me about it.."

"I wonder if Aunt Muriel would take him?"

"Nah he killed her kids.."

"What about Uncle Jimmy?"

"It's Aunt Jimmy now and no..he killed his wife.."

"Cousin Bob?"

"His rat.."

"Nephew Gilligan?"

"His lollipop.."

Temari sighed it looked like they were stuck with him, why oh why couldn't they have had Naruto instead...

"CAN YOU GUYS HURRY UP DOWN THERE!! I AM THE KAZEKAGE!! AND I NEED TO TINKLE!!"

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**Caity: Well here it is, I don't know but like most of our random ideas turned stories they are always a lot funnier at the time. When they get put into words it ruins the magic...Anyways you know the drill! Read and review! Please! I know...I'm getting a bit demanding..eheh sowwy XD. Also you may have noticed all my stories have at least one flashback in them..hehe I like flashbacks...**

**Nae: Hey I thought up custard pie...**

**Caity: I noes Nae but it was so awesome that I just had to put it into a story...**

**Nae: Oh okkk!**

**Caity:...Actually she accidentally called it custard pie instead of a custard tart...I don't know if custard pie actually exists..but if it did I would eat it, as long Nae and her rat poison weren't allowed near it prior to serving..**

**Nae: Hey! Sure I may have attempted to kill you once or twice...**

**Caity: Or fifty or sixty..**

**Nae: ehehe....she lies!!**

**Caity: -_-**

**Gaara: Review! Cos' I am the Kazekage!**

**Nae: Psst Gaara, is the new shipment in yet?**

**Gaara: Hey if you wondering where your rat poison is so that you can sneak in prior to serving and poison Caity's custard pie before she eats it...I dunno where it is! It was Kankuro I swear, he's outta control I tried to stop him I- _breaks down crying_**

**Nae: _Cracks knuckles and runs off to find Kankuro_**

**Gaara: _Stands up and walks away completely calm like nothing happened_**

**Caity: O_O**

**Caity: Sorry I had a random moment and Nae is really trying to kill me....I swear!!! _glances around and dives into a bomb shelter._**

**_Editors Note, or more Nae's note: Hey! I've only tried to kill you once! That time with the macaroni! Oh...then there was also that time when I almost blew up your house with the oven, and that time....  
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End file.
